This guide is drawn from Think Like a Negotiator, and gives you a taste of it. For the full toolkit, read the book, listen to the audiobook and work through the free PDF study guide.
1. Listen for the need beneath the position
A position is what someone says they want. A need is why they want it. Two people can be locked in disagreement over positions while their needs are quite compatible. Negotiation begins with listening, and the questions you ask early decide how much you learn.
The book teaches you to listen for what is underneath a position, not only the position itself.
Try this: In your next disagreement, ask 'What would that give you?' and listen without replying for a full minute.
2. Stay calm when it gets heated
Emotion makes people worse negotiators, and the person who stays steady usually steers the conversation. Emotional regulation is a skill you can train, and the negotiator's reset gives you a way to de-escalate in about a minute.
The book covers the practical mechanics of staying calm when a conversation gets heated.
Try this: Pick one small signal that you are getting tense, such as a tight jaw or a faster voice, and use it as your cue to slow down.
3. Frame your ask so the other person can say yes
An ask that threatens the other person gets defended against. One that respects their position gets considered. That is why calm persuasion works better than pushing, and why good deals still get rejected when they feel unfair or sudden.
The book is about framing your own asks in a way the other person can genuinely agree to.
Try this: Before an important request, write it twice: once as you would say it, and once as the other person would want to hear it.
4. Use silence
Silence feels uncomfortable, so people fill it, often by conceding or over-explaining. A pause after an offer or a question gives the other person room to think and often to improve their own offer. The power of silence in a negotiation explains why it often works harder than an argument.
The book covers knowing when silence works harder than an argument.
Try this: After you make your next point or ask, count to five before saying anything else.
5. Understand how first offers and small concessions work
The first number on the table pulls the rest of the conversation towards it, which is why the first offer anchors everything. And a small concession tends to be repaid, which is the idea behind reciprocity in negotiation.
The book also covers structuring an offer so that it lands.
Try this: Before your next negotiation, decide your opening number and one small concession you can offer early.
6. Negotiate with yourself first
Many stalled deals are really inner conflicts: part of you wants one thing, part of you another. Until you know which matters more, you cannot ask clearly for anything. Negotiating with yourself looks at how inner conflict shapes our decisions.
The book starts with clarity about your own needs before any conversation with someone else.
Try this: Write down what you actually want from your next negotiation and what you would give up to get it.
7. Build agreements that last
A deal that one side resents rarely survives. Lasting agreements rest on trust and clear expectations, as in leading through trust and the advantage of clear expectations. Even a demand can be reframed, as the question that turns a demand into a problem shows.
The book is about building win-win relationships that last beyond the negotiation table.
Try this: At the end of your next agreement, say the terms back in your own words and ask 'Have I got that right?'
You don't need all seven at once. Pick one, try it in a real conversation this week, and notice how it changes the way it goes. When you want the fuller toolkit, Think Like a Negotiator is Book 4 of the Sharper Thinking series, ideal for anyone who dreads difficult conversations and wants a calmer way through them. You can read it, listen to it, and work through the free PDF study guide alongside it.